Post by Pinkline Jones on Jul 14, 2004 16:12:34 GMT 10
Welcome to Australian Idol 2 everyone – can you feel the excitement? How y’all doin’ out there? I’m about to get some pickles out of the fridge and make a nice sandwich before I sit back and endure…I mean appreciate and soak up this flowing cavalcade of schlock from the predictable harpically toiletous, pimple cream delusionalists.
The harmless presenters Andrew G and James Mathison got proceedings underway once again – geez I hope the Australian industry never loses these two shining talents. But hey then again we can always fall back on “JOHN” (that’s Rove’s real name folks).
Last night we were presented with the normal motley bunch of woeful auditions from Melbourne, Sydney and Tamworth (the home of Shannonoke).
Off we fly on Jet Star to gloriously cultured Melbourne. “Thanks for the flight – nothing like kebabs, beer and a bit of turbulence”.
MELBOURNE
First singer I can remember was Jessica someone – doesn’t really matter but she opened up with a dire version of “Black Velvet.” The hysterical Jaime Fuentes went into sustain overload with the vomit-inducing Bryan Admans tune “Everything I Do”. This was followed shortly after by Rachel Hilliard who looked like she had just come out of Rehab or maybe she was about to go back IN!! Blurrghhh.
Switch to the beautiful harbour city of SYDNEY. Get stuffed Melbourne!
No amount of hands and knees pleading by strawberry blonde Jessica Baker was going to convince the judges that she would come through with the goods – a sad moment for the poor lass but hey that’s showbiz and there’s always PopStars.
Next up was Lisa Green Eyes with “One Moment in Time” a song covered by world famous anorexic Whitney Houston. It was okay but nothing my next door neighbour couldn’t have covered in the shower just before we lodged the noise complaint.
And hey hey he Here’s Elena Tsoulakis !!! a bizarre young girl whose main contribution was to talk over the top of Marcia. A resounding NO from all judges. She had nice hair but Nana Mouskouri was more dignified. Thanks for coming Elena!
And of course there had to be another “Levi” clone, courtesy of one Anthony Callea. Boring vocals but I think he got through despite that. Consistency shines in the judges like a Dolphin Torch with faulty batteries.
The music comedy continued thanks to Mark Megne’s rendition of the Guy Cat Strangling Sebaceous non classic “A Spaceship Brought me Here”. Very very funny.
The brilliant yodeller Joanne Xenidis then put the comedy value in overdrive. I almost spilt the four and twenty down the front of my safari suit. Too funny.
Jenny Somebody sang “My Heart Will Go On” using the balls in the bench vice technique. Ho ho hum – well I hope she got a few free fluffy ducks off her friends. “See you at Tamworth Services Jen Froidy night”.
Robert Szuhen, the human drum machine, amazed the heavily sedated judges and then on he came – Australia’s answer to William Hung – the spectacular vocally-challenged Flynn Liu. However, Flynn’s confidence and professional use of the camera was simply outstanding. A big NO from all the judges but a big marketing opportunity if ever I saw one. Where are you Harry M Miller?
Back to MELBOURNE
Jessica Fuhrmeister the music teacher ,with Eva Cassidy’s “Wade in the Water”. Ahhhh - att last we’ve found her – the female equivalent of Robert Millsy Mills – I couldn’t understand one word she sang. Simply awful but in keeping with the judges’ occasional weird decisions she received three green lights.
Nicole Wheatley offered us “Moondance” with some off key moments which weren’t picked up by the judges. Nice looking girl with exotic looks but can’t help thinking of Lauren Buckley as I watched her.
And heeeeeere’s Jarrod Rojo!!! – not a bad vocalist – visually an interesting mixture of Alexei Sayle and a bald Con the Fruiterer.
The blonde messy hair hirsuite Garth Ploog did ok with “Lean on Me” and the scruffy cool look combined with an okay vocal style should work for him. Ben Eaton’s “Heard it through the Grapevine” was passable.
Sixteen from Melbourne through to top 800
Back to TAMWORTH and here he is – Australia’s most popular country boy, Shannon-oke Noll offering young hopefuls some good old fashoned advice:
“Let’s put the country back into it ay”<br>
Thanks Shannon!!
We then heard from Monica Oriel, Stacey Sedlen – whoever sings “Big Spender” deserves to be flogged senseless with a jug cord (I don’t approve of any form of violence normally but you really have to make this sort of thing an exception). Monica Burgess and her appealing yellow teeth were another of the occasional high points.
BUT The STAR of Tamworth and the whole show was undoubtedly Corey Gilchrist the nerdy 16year old. Clearly has something going on in the vocal department and he’s off to Sydney. Should shape up well with some fashion advice and image styling. -o’s comment that he wasn’t ready due to his voice breaking was out of order. -o will be proven wrong and Pinkline Jones proven right yet again. Watch out for this lad!
Kristie Lanesbury’s “Simply the Best” was simply atrocious. Bleeerkkkk!!!!
Then Ngaire Someone from Lismore – with an appealing face sang something which wasn’t too bad and she’s off to Sydney. Kirsty Akes drove us insane with “Joelene” – dreadful but of course she got the green light. Please work that out.
AND SO COMPLETES THE FIRST PHASE!!!
The harmless presenters Andrew G and James Mathison got proceedings underway once again – geez I hope the Australian industry never loses these two shining talents. But hey then again we can always fall back on “JOHN” (that’s Rove’s real name folks).
Last night we were presented with the normal motley bunch of woeful auditions from Melbourne, Sydney and Tamworth (the home of Shannonoke).
Off we fly on Jet Star to gloriously cultured Melbourne. “Thanks for the flight – nothing like kebabs, beer and a bit of turbulence”.
MELBOURNE
First singer I can remember was Jessica someone – doesn’t really matter but she opened up with a dire version of “Black Velvet.” The hysterical Jaime Fuentes went into sustain overload with the vomit-inducing Bryan Admans tune “Everything I Do”. This was followed shortly after by Rachel Hilliard who looked like she had just come out of Rehab or maybe she was about to go back IN!! Blurrghhh.
Switch to the beautiful harbour city of SYDNEY. Get stuffed Melbourne!
No amount of hands and knees pleading by strawberry blonde Jessica Baker was going to convince the judges that she would come through with the goods – a sad moment for the poor lass but hey that’s showbiz and there’s always PopStars.
Next up was Lisa Green Eyes with “One Moment in Time” a song covered by world famous anorexic Whitney Houston. It was okay but nothing my next door neighbour couldn’t have covered in the shower just before we lodged the noise complaint.
And hey hey he Here’s Elena Tsoulakis !!! a bizarre young girl whose main contribution was to talk over the top of Marcia. A resounding NO from all judges. She had nice hair but Nana Mouskouri was more dignified. Thanks for coming Elena!
And of course there had to be another “Levi” clone, courtesy of one Anthony Callea. Boring vocals but I think he got through despite that. Consistency shines in the judges like a Dolphin Torch with faulty batteries.
The music comedy continued thanks to Mark Megne’s rendition of the Guy Cat Strangling Sebaceous non classic “A Spaceship Brought me Here”. Very very funny.
The brilliant yodeller Joanne Xenidis then put the comedy value in overdrive. I almost spilt the four and twenty down the front of my safari suit. Too funny.
Jenny Somebody sang “My Heart Will Go On” using the balls in the bench vice technique. Ho ho hum – well I hope she got a few free fluffy ducks off her friends. “See you at Tamworth Services Jen Froidy night”.
Robert Szuhen, the human drum machine, amazed the heavily sedated judges and then on he came – Australia’s answer to William Hung – the spectacular vocally-challenged Flynn Liu. However, Flynn’s confidence and professional use of the camera was simply outstanding. A big NO from all the judges but a big marketing opportunity if ever I saw one. Where are you Harry M Miller?
Back to MELBOURNE
Jessica Fuhrmeister the music teacher ,with Eva Cassidy’s “Wade in the Water”. Ahhhh - att last we’ve found her – the female equivalent of Robert Millsy Mills – I couldn’t understand one word she sang. Simply awful but in keeping with the judges’ occasional weird decisions she received three green lights.
Nicole Wheatley offered us “Moondance” with some off key moments which weren’t picked up by the judges. Nice looking girl with exotic looks but can’t help thinking of Lauren Buckley as I watched her.
And heeeeeere’s Jarrod Rojo!!! – not a bad vocalist – visually an interesting mixture of Alexei Sayle and a bald Con the Fruiterer.
The blonde messy hair hirsuite Garth Ploog did ok with “Lean on Me” and the scruffy cool look combined with an okay vocal style should work for him. Ben Eaton’s “Heard it through the Grapevine” was passable.
Sixteen from Melbourne through to top 800
Back to TAMWORTH and here he is – Australia’s most popular country boy, Shannon-oke Noll offering young hopefuls some good old fashoned advice:
“Let’s put the country back into it ay”<br>
Thanks Shannon!!
We then heard from Monica Oriel, Stacey Sedlen – whoever sings “Big Spender” deserves to be flogged senseless with a jug cord (I don’t approve of any form of violence normally but you really have to make this sort of thing an exception). Monica Burgess and her appealing yellow teeth were another of the occasional high points.
BUT The STAR of Tamworth and the whole show was undoubtedly Corey Gilchrist the nerdy 16year old. Clearly has something going on in the vocal department and he’s off to Sydney. Should shape up well with some fashion advice and image styling. -o’s comment that he wasn’t ready due to his voice breaking was out of order. -o will be proven wrong and Pinkline Jones proven right yet again. Watch out for this lad!
Kristie Lanesbury’s “Simply the Best” was simply atrocious. Bleeerkkkk!!!!
Then Ngaire Someone from Lismore – with an appealing face sang something which wasn’t too bad and she’s off to Sydney. Kirsty Akes drove us insane with “Joelene” – dreadful but of course she got the green light. Please work that out.
AND SO COMPLETES THE FIRST PHASE!!!
