Idol Worship
No, American Idol doesn't teach good values because it forces singers into a mould dictated by the judges
By Tan Shzr Ee
I CONFESS: American Idol truly amazes me.
Not for its surfeit of talent - though to be sure, there is a lot of it on the show and judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson have reason to celebrate.
I'm more surprised that it has managed to keep audiences hooked onto a third season with the predictable 'everywhere-ness' of this talent.
Yes, that almost Celine Dionesque power-belting, glistening with the same nail-varnish gloss whether you're doing country, soul or R&B.
It is that over-performed, over-mainstream and over-extrovert mode of rendition that leaves no room for introspection or quirky personality.
It makes caricatures of cultural differences.
The judges may offer pithisms about the singularity of certain voices, but everyone really sounds the same. Oops, correction: Everyone is made to sound the same, delivering pre-packaged performances on the silver platter of music-industry grooming.
Consider a list of real idols who would probably be kicked out the first round for the inability to make this ideal template.
1. Stefanie Sun: Because she has a hunched, mousy presence. And much as her voice is gorgeous in the studio, she can't stay in tune, live.
2. Astrud Gilberto: Because she gurgles, off-key, and has the personality of a bored housewife.
Which is absolutely true, of course, except that this no-name Brazilian was discovered by the 'white man' only because she left her home country and had nothing to do while accompanying her husband, Joao, to accent-hungry America.
3. The Rolling Stones: Because the stars are too old and there are too many frays in their booze-soaked voices.
4. Norah Jones: Don't know why, but maybe that whitewashed whine of hers isn't going anywhere without curdling backup and amplification.
5. The divine Ms Bjork, because of her, well, weird image.
And what's with that breathy, mind-wrenching squealing which pretends basic concepts of melody and rhythm do not exist?
6. Billie Holliday: With a rasp like hers, Cowell will be sending her 10 years' worth of Strepsils.
7. Stevie Wonder: Because he's blind and can't read the music score/lyric sheet.ALL right, all right - maybe I've got the American Idol industry all wrong in the first place.
Nobody said originality was going to be celebrated.
It's better to sing covers that the public can connect with straight away.
It's about finding the perfect match of exhibitionism in fame-hungry kids who value 'making it big' more than singing, with the unembarrassed voyeur you find in reality TV, and in yourself (this writer included).
Finally, who's to accuse anyone of a hostile takeover of culture in the music industry?
It is called American Idol, after all, not Icelandic, Bornean or Croatian Idol.
Although, of course, the show was first born in England as Pop Idol, the brainchild of tart-tongued British critic Cowell, who exported it almost immediately to the Land Of The Freeee.
The politics are simple: The world's most economically advantaged melting-pot (melting into what - porridge?) community wants to build a template of an ideal totem to be worshipped universally.
Idols aren't real but representative.
They deliver stylised and reductive messages of 'goodness' and 'success'.
Worshippers make offerings of flowers and TV ratings, plus corresponding ad-endorsement and record-industry spin-offs, at their altars.
If you really think about it, Americans have always needed these larger-than-life figureheads.
Like Elvis Presley. Like The Rock.
It is the sugar-coated cream and luxury of packaging and showmanship that is lapped up everywhere - which can be good in itself, especially if you are deluged with the information explosion of the Internet age when you try to make up your mind yourself on anything.
But the question is: Does the rest of the world need an American Idol too?
Australia has already launched its own version of the programme, finding its answer in Malaysian-born Guy Sebastian, who is as African-American as they come as he can really deliver Soul.
The spin-off extravaganza, World Idol, with its glamour-bitching catalogue of weird accents, crowned Norwegian (who?) Kurt Nielsen the new, um, superstar.
One wonders what will happen in Singapore later this year, when the conglomerate finally starts a franchise here.
Will we find a new Stefanie or a neo-A-Do? Or a racially-correct copy of Britney?
Or - I pray to God for this - a William Hung of She Bangs fame, who barely but actually did stay in tune, if only compromised by weak voice projection and his ultra-nerdy image.
I laughed and cried myself to tears at the sight of the courageous civil engineer.
But he did, if you recall, remember all his words.
And more than anything else, I am proud of his unembarrassed sincerity, wearing on his sleeve his Hong Kong accent, his Ricky Martin-meets-Aaron Kwok earnestness, and his simple 'I have no regrets' repartee to rejection.
It's all in learning where to draw the line between cultural context and cultural cliche, so they say.
And if one interesting phenomenon is happening as a result of American Idol, it is the blurring of this line.
Now that the show is entering the semi-final stage, I'm switching off the TV.
Who needs to catch the same kind of people singing the same kind of songs a third time?
There have always been talentime shows; there have always been mass-produced singers, bona-fide artists and lucky stars.
I don't need reality TV as determined by music moguls to show me that.
But you can bet I will rush home early to catch the next round of preliminaries on American Idol 4 and Singapore Idol - if only to celebrate the individuals who were never meant to be Idols.
Bravo to them - and to reality TV.
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