Post by Pinkline Jones on Nov 15, 2004 9:14:47 GMT 10
Well children the series is drawing to a much longed for close and last night continued on down the road with this year’s theme of inconsistent performance standard, and clueless interpretation.
Sorbolene Cream's Bachelor of the Year, Andrew Gee, the sartorial pin-striped master of irrelevance smirked up more big promises which naturally remained undelivered, whilst Flowerpot Bland number 2 Matho Mathieson applied his own engaging specialty, the charmless sarcastic drone.
THE LYGON SHETLAND
SONG 1
First up onto the conveyor belt at the Channel Ten abbatoir big chiko drum roll…drrrr drrrr Ladies, the retarded looking smiling bloke in the top right of the screen behind the judges, and Gentleman!!: drrrrrrrr
The little bloke out of the Johnny Young Talent School, the maestro of the mike-tapping technique (which is only SLIGHTLY less annoying than the Shirley Temple "Get on Board" Playstation ad), Mr Anthoooookneeeeeeeee Callleeeeeeeeeaaaa!!!! singing the soon to be Idol winner’s mandatory first defence of the trumped up karaoke title, “Listen With Your Heart”.
Straight from the start, Captain FanCrapstic slotted into his familiar mode: crimp the nose, close the eyes, tap the mike and then proceed to strangle the life out of a song that will no doubt be desperately trying to fight off being forgotten within four weeks of its release. Another monotonous piece of dreck – music to time a jug of boiling water by. Simply not an acceptable standard at this point in the comp. To use a pianist analogy, Anthony is Kingsley Looker wishing he was Franz Liszt. Dream on young man 4/10
SONG 2
It takes a very brave or over confident short boy to adopt the sitting down position but that’s what Lygon chose to do with Marty Worral's arrangement of Craig David’s “Walking Away”. Anthony’s second song was annoyingly lowlighted by poor diction:
“Now that your mingle the gerbils in my life wanna lemonade”.
Throw in some obnoxious vocal gymnastics and a visionless song attack plan this was truly a revolting performance. Like someone who keeps spewing on your shoes and refuses to stop. 1/10
SONG 3
The Lygon Shetland finally officially bid his chances farewell with a putrid handling of “The Glory of Love”. Singing from the back of the throat it was yet again the same soulless incompetence that has marked the reasons for his coming downfall, hacking out note after note of foetid strangulation and tasteless oversinging. Goodbye Anthony. 1/10
CAKESTACKS DONUTVAN
SONG 1
Another big chiko roll and KFC quarter pack drum roll drrrrrrrrrrr Ladies, the retarded gent in the top right of the screen behind the judges, and Gentlemen……let’s hear it for the reformed thrash metal, love child of Colonel Sanders, Idol Contestant #92050 Miss Caaaaakestacks Dooooonut Vaaaaaaaan!!!
Singing the Amorosi screamfest “Can I have Another Slice of Ham”. Casey tapped into a level more befitting the SBS National Karaoke Challenge. No touchdowns or tingles down the spine here. 4/10.
SONG 2
Cakestacks takes the famous "ante" in a downward spin via Evanescence’s “Hello”. Kicked off with a touching serapax intro, it was the perfect opportunity to slip into the pyjamas and set the alarm clock. Perhaps suitable as background music to a Ricki Lee Coulter fan’s psychiatric counseling session but a little bizarre as a second choice. But then again it was pleasantly quieter than Callea’s WMD (Wankfest of Musical Disintegration). 4/10
SONG 3
Casey easily wrapped up the title (you would think) showing the Sheltland how “Listen With Your Heart” should have been sung. Easing off to quieter moments and mixing it up with an instinctive punctuation of crank it up opportunities Cakestacks worked hard and lifted herself up a few notches with overwhelmingly the best song of the night. Not great but pretty good. 6.5/10
AND THE WINNER IS: CASEY DONOVAN
Sorbolene Cream's Bachelor of the Year, Andrew Gee, the sartorial pin-striped master of irrelevance smirked up more big promises which naturally remained undelivered, whilst Flowerpot Bland number 2 Matho Mathieson applied his own engaging specialty, the charmless sarcastic drone.
THE LYGON SHETLAND
SONG 1
First up onto the conveyor belt at the Channel Ten abbatoir big chiko drum roll…drrrr drrrr Ladies, the retarded looking smiling bloke in the top right of the screen behind the judges, and Gentleman!!: drrrrrrrr
The little bloke out of the Johnny Young Talent School, the maestro of the mike-tapping technique (which is only SLIGHTLY less annoying than the Shirley Temple "Get on Board" Playstation ad), Mr Anthoooookneeeeeeeee Callleeeeeeeeeaaaa!!!! singing the soon to be Idol winner’s mandatory first defence of the trumped up karaoke title, “Listen With Your Heart”.
Straight from the start, Captain FanCrapstic slotted into his familiar mode: crimp the nose, close the eyes, tap the mike and then proceed to strangle the life out of a song that will no doubt be desperately trying to fight off being forgotten within four weeks of its release. Another monotonous piece of dreck – music to time a jug of boiling water by. Simply not an acceptable standard at this point in the comp. To use a pianist analogy, Anthony is Kingsley Looker wishing he was Franz Liszt. Dream on young man 4/10
SONG 2
It takes a very brave or over confident short boy to adopt the sitting down position but that’s what Lygon chose to do with Marty Worral's arrangement of Craig David’s “Walking Away”. Anthony’s second song was annoyingly lowlighted by poor diction:
“Now that your mingle the gerbils in my life wanna lemonade”.
Throw in some obnoxious vocal gymnastics and a visionless song attack plan this was truly a revolting performance. Like someone who keeps spewing on your shoes and refuses to stop. 1/10
SONG 3
The Lygon Shetland finally officially bid his chances farewell with a putrid handling of “The Glory of Love”. Singing from the back of the throat it was yet again the same soulless incompetence that has marked the reasons for his coming downfall, hacking out note after note of foetid strangulation and tasteless oversinging. Goodbye Anthony. 1/10
CAKESTACKS DONUTVAN
SONG 1
Another big chiko roll and KFC quarter pack drum roll drrrrrrrrrrr Ladies, the retarded gent in the top right of the screen behind the judges, and Gentlemen……let’s hear it for the reformed thrash metal, love child of Colonel Sanders, Idol Contestant #92050 Miss Caaaaakestacks Dooooonut Vaaaaaaaan!!!
Singing the Amorosi screamfest “Can I have Another Slice of Ham”. Casey tapped into a level more befitting the SBS National Karaoke Challenge. No touchdowns or tingles down the spine here. 4/10.
SONG 2
Cakestacks takes the famous "ante" in a downward spin via Evanescence’s “Hello”. Kicked off with a touching serapax intro, it was the perfect opportunity to slip into the pyjamas and set the alarm clock. Perhaps suitable as background music to a Ricki Lee Coulter fan’s psychiatric counseling session but a little bizarre as a second choice. But then again it was pleasantly quieter than Callea’s WMD (Wankfest of Musical Disintegration). 4/10
SONG 3
Casey easily wrapped up the title (you would think) showing the Sheltland how “Listen With Your Heart” should have been sung. Easing off to quieter moments and mixing it up with an instinctive punctuation of crank it up opportunities Cakestacks worked hard and lifted herself up a few notches with overwhelmingly the best song of the night. Not great but pretty good. 6.5/10
AND THE WINNER IS: CASEY DONOVAN